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Procuring Work

“It’s about time we organised a lavish chambers party,” said Slick today.

“Yes, because everyone knows that free champagne is the most cost-effective way of getting them to give you work,” said TheVamp sarcastically.

“Exactly,” said Slick without a hint of irony. “In my last chambers we always budgeted for two bottles of the finest vintage champagne per solicitor. It always paid for itself in the first set of instructions.”

“That is, if other chambers weren’t doing the same,” said BusyBody.

“Perhaps we should up our game and start offering corporate outings?” said Slick.

“I think you’ll find that OldSmoothie already organises regular visits to the football, opera or golf depending on the particular solicitors’ interests.”

“Even though the Bar Code of Conduct prohibits giving any form of present or commission to solicitors other than small promotional items,” said BusyBody.

“I think you’ll find that all of my entertainment is for private purposes and has nothing whatsoever to do with work,” said OldSmoothie.

“What? Meaning that if you also sleep with your female solicitors after taking them out then it’s somehow better?” said BusyBody.

“It’s very simple,” said OldSmoothie ignoring the dig. “I always make a point of never discussing work at any of those events.”

“Which is fortunate given that your juniors do all of your work for you,” said TheVamp.

“As far as I’m concerned this makes it a private function and nothing to do with work at all,” said OldSmoothie.

“As is the day’s pheasant shooting that you give each year to that judge you’re always appearing in front of,” said BusyBody.

“Exactly,” said OldSmoothie.

“Though I think you might find the Code itself is a little less forgiving,” said UpTights.

“But what if I was going out with a solicitor?” said TheCreep, now looking very worried that he might one day accidentally break the rules.

“I hardly think that’s likely Mr Cweepy Weepy,” said TheVamp patting him on the head.

“The thing is, where does it end? What is private and what is work?” he persisted.

“Ah, now there’s a question,” said OldRuin with a wry smile. “Not that it’ll stop me cooking Sunday lunch for my best friend this week, despite the fact that he’s a senior judge.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan. You can buy the latest BabyBarista novel, 'Law and Peace' on Amazon. The cartoons are by Alex Williams, author of The Queen's Counsel Lawyer's Omnibus.

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